It’s time to get busy living or get busy dying

Do you know anyone that talks about stuff they want to do or places they want to go, but they never do them or go there?  I think I am turning in to one of those people and it scares the hell out of me.  I have this huge mental list of all these goals I want to accomplish and I haven’t done any of them.  I keep finding excuse after excuse to not do something.  Well I’m sick of it.  I’m sick of waiting for life to begin.  I mean what in the hell am I waiting for?  There is no such thing as the perfect time, place, or circumstance.  I know that.  Here are just a few goals I want to accomplish in my lifetime*:

1.  Learn American Sign Language

2.  Take a train trip across country

3.  See a Broadway show

4.  Learn to speak German fluently

5.  Earn my Master’s

6.  Be published

7.  Live in a foreign country for a year

8.  Travel through Europe

9.  Go to Alaska

10.  Read all 100 Greatest Novels

11.  Go to San Diego Comic Con

12.  Participate in a Zombie Walk

***List is subject to grow***

Now that I have the list in front of me I really don’t know what I have been waiting for, so I can either be one of those people who only talk about what they want to do or I can be one of those people who does them.  I think I know which one I want to be.

My Fatal Flaws

 I’m what you would call a dreamer. A big dreamer. Unfortunately I lack a few vital ingredients that to make my dreams come true.  To start with I’m lazy.  No, really I am.  Some people would call it being a procrastinator but the truth is I’m just lazy.  I don’t like that about myself. In fact I hate it and I have tried many times over the years to overcome that particular trait.  Unfortunately I have zero follow through on anything I do.  The only thing I have managed to stick with over the years is being a parent and a part of me believes that is because I’m too lazy to try and sell them on eBay.  I kid, I kid.  Maybe.  Plus I have been to jail, granted it wasn’t for a long period and the holding cell on Night Court was scarier and seedier then the place I was at, but still I don’t fancy myself on going back hence the need to follow through on being a parent.

But other than that one example I have zero follow through.  Don’t believe me? Fine.  This is the 4th possibly 5th blog that I have started in the past few years.  Two of my previous blogs actually led to some cool stuff and one of them led to a really cool opportunity.  Which I blew.  Not because I couldn’t handle it, but because I got lazy.  Oh sure I could blame it on my personal life getting too complicated or my work life going out of control.  Both of which were true…..and untrue.  Because if I weren’t lazy nothing would have stopped me from taking it as far as I could go.   If I had even an ounce of follow through I would have turned over every rock I could find to make me better and possibly end up with a career that I loved instead of having a job I need.

I find myself feeling envious of those families that sell everything, pack up their clothes, and drive out to California or hope a bus to New York just so they can pursue a dream that might not come true.  You have no idea how much I wish I was that type of person, one day I hope to be that person.  Which brings me to my third fatal flaw, over-thinking.

I can over-think anything.  It’s quite known with the people who know me that I hate making decisions.  And I do mean hate it.  I can come up with a pro and con for EVERYTHING.  Sometimes it’s easier when I don’t like something, but most often it doesn’t.  Because even if I don’t like whatever one of the choices are I might start worrying about what you want and which would be best for you that I end up simultaneously hoping that you choose for me and that you don’t choose the option I really don’t want.

I am trying to decide whether I should move my family from the nice, quiet, safe life I have in a place I never wanted to live to a place I have never been, with no built-in support system, and no way of knowing if I’m about to make a huge mistake.  I know it probably sounds like a very easy decision, but trust me it’s not.  More on that another time.  So there they are, my three fatal flaws.  Oh, I have more, but they all branch off from the three biggies.  Hopefully one day I will be rid of them.