I’m what you would call a dreamer. A big dreamer. Unfortunately I lack a few vital ingredients that to make my dreams come true. To start with I’m lazy. No, really I am. Some people would call it being a procrastinator but the truth is I’m just lazy. I don’t like that about myself. In fact I hate it and I have tried many times over the years to overcome that particular trait. Unfortunately I have zero follow through on anything I do. The only thing I have managed to stick with over the years is being a parent and a part of me believes that is because I’m too lazy to try and sell them on eBay. I kid, I kid. Maybe. Plus I have been to jail, granted it wasn’t for a long period and the holding cell on Night Court was scarier and seedier then the place I was at, but still I don’t fancy myself on going back hence the need to follow through on being a parent.
But other than that one example I have zero follow through. Don’t believe me? Fine. This is the 4th possibly 5th blog that I have started in the past few years. Two of my previous blogs actually led to some cool stuff and one of them led to a really cool opportunity. Which I blew. Not because I couldn’t handle it, but because I got lazy. Oh sure I could blame it on my personal life getting too complicated or my work life going out of control. Both of which were true…..and untrue. Because if I weren’t lazy nothing would have stopped me from taking it as far as I could go. If I had even an ounce of follow through I would have turned over every rock I could find to make me better and possibly end up with a career that I loved instead of having a job I need.
I find myself feeling envious of those families that sell everything, pack up their clothes, and drive out to California or hope a bus to New York just so they can pursue a dream that might not come true. You have no idea how much I wish I was that type of person, one day I hope to be that person. Which brings me to my third fatal flaw, over-thinking.
I can over-think anything. It’s quite known with the people who know me that I hate making decisions. And I do mean hate it. I can come up with a pro and con for EVERYTHING. Sometimes it’s easier when I don’t like something, but most often it doesn’t. Because even if I don’t like whatever one of the choices are I might start worrying about what you want and which would be best for you that I end up simultaneously hoping that you choose for me and that you don’t choose the option I really don’t want.
I am trying to decide whether I should move my family from the nice, quiet, safe life I have in a place I never wanted to live to a place I have never been, with no built-in support system, and no way of knowing if I’m about to make a huge mistake. I know it probably sounds like a very easy decision, but trust me it’s not. More on that another time. So there they are, my three fatal flaws. Oh, I have more, but they all branch off from the three biggies. Hopefully one day I will be rid of them.
My Long Walk to Nowhere 